God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
