I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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