he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
