Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
