dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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