think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
