She's JV to your varsity
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
