two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
