I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
