Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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