If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
