FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
