Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
