I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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