Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
