Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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