I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize