How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Come share oat with me in your robe
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
