I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
