She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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