Who did Billy Mays play for?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
