Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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