dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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