My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
