My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
