Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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