M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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