I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
