you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
