My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
