You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
