please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
