I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
