So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
being pregnant is like rehab
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
