Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
