at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
