Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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