Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The best revenge is premature balding
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
