He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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