Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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