a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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