Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
