So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
