Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
