Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You brought string cheese to the strip club
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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