guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
