I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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