I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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