plz talk dirty to me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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