I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize