it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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