ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
