Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
