I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
