I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
