I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
