I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
