Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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