if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
