im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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