i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
