They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
