you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
