I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
