I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
