Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
