You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
