i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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