that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
