o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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