We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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