Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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