my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
